It Is What It Is
Image via Pixabay
In 2009, my sister and I were planning my mother's memorial service. She died at the age of 95, and even though it had been expected for some time, there was still the process of grieving and planning to lay her to rest next to my father.
I was obsessing about the date and time we had chosen in order to accommodate my son's schedule. He had just been ordained a Catholic priest and we had asked him to officiate at the memorial. There were some family members who just weren't able to make it at that time.
Then my sister said, "Don't worry. It is what it is."
Immediately, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It was no longer my responsibility to make sure we met the needs of all of our family and friends. The fact that other people had made plans for that date was something out of my control. In short, it was what it was.
So I dedicate this article to my sister who gave me the idea and much peace of mind.
I was obsessing about the date and time we had chosen in order to accommodate my son's schedule. He had just been ordained a Catholic priest and we had asked him to officiate at the memorial. There were some family members who just weren't able to make it at that time.
Then my sister said, "Don't worry. It is what it is."
Immediately, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It was no longer my responsibility to make sure we met the needs of all of our family and friends. The fact that other people had made plans for that date was something out of my control. In short, it was what it was.
So I dedicate this article to my sister who gave me the idea and much peace of mind.
Cliches Are Not Cool
I have never been a fan of cliches. They are cute the first few times they are used, but quickly become overused and their meaning becomes watered down. An example of this is “that is wrong on so many levels.” That sounded cool when I first heard it. Then I heard it again, and again, and again. I started to think, “what does that mean exactly?” How can something be wrong on many levels? What levels? Can’t it just be wrong? Why does it have to have levels of wrongness? And then the cliche just sounded stupid.
So you are probably wondering why I wrote an article about the cliche “it is what it is.” The phrase has been very popular in sports circles, and since I don’t follow sports, I guess I had not experienced the over-exposure.
I find myself saying it quite often whenever I find myself in a stressful situation. It has the effect of immediately calming me down. If it is very hot on the way home from work, I remind myself that it is summer and say, “it is what it is.” I have no control over the weather, and no matter if it is hot, cold, raining, or snowing, grumbling about it has never changed it.
So you are probably wondering why I wrote an article about the cliche “it is what it is.” The phrase has been very popular in sports circles, and since I don’t follow sports, I guess I had not experienced the over-exposure.
I find myself saying it quite often whenever I find myself in a stressful situation. It has the effect of immediately calming me down. If it is very hot on the way home from work, I remind myself that it is summer and say, “it is what it is.” I have no control over the weather, and no matter if it is hot, cold, raining, or snowing, grumbling about it has never changed it.
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"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." Henry David Thoreau |
Image via Pixabay
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It's All So Hopeless
Not everyone likes the phrase “It is What It Is,” just as I don’t like some other cliches. I thought it was important to provide those points of view as well. In an article entitled, ”It Is What It Is.” Really?” author Nicholas Clairmont makes some interesting points.
“Well yes, I must concede that things are what they are. Nonetheless, the use of the phrase represents the absolute height of vacuous sloganeering.”
He goes on to say, “But it is the context in which is this phrase is used where we see the situation really becomes dire.
It is offered as advice, either to others, or, in its worst form, to oneself. The advice? “Resign.” “Give up.” “Pay no attention to the man behind he curtain.”
I have to agree that it would be all too easy to use the phrase to say there is no hope or to point out that there is nothing you can do to make things better, so why try? I hope that I can re-direct that thinking into a different view, one that does much to bring inner peace.
“Well yes, I must concede that things are what they are. Nonetheless, the use of the phrase represents the absolute height of vacuous sloganeering.”
He goes on to say, “But it is the context in which is this phrase is used where we see the situation really becomes dire.
It is offered as advice, either to others, or, in its worst form, to oneself. The advice? “Resign.” “Give up.” “Pay no attention to the man behind he curtain.”
I have to agree that it would be all too easy to use the phrase to say there is no hope or to point out that there is nothing you can do to make things better, so why try? I hope that I can re-direct that thinking into a different view, one that does much to bring inner peace.
It Is What It Is Plaque Block Sign - ad
"I'm not sure what the future holds but I do know that I'm going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said 'Nic, it is what it is, it's not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.'"
Nicole Kidman
Be Here Now
A Similar Concept
Be Here Now - ad
In1971. Ram Dass wrote the book, Be Here Now, which I found very inspiring. Ram Dass’s real name was Richard Alpert, and he was a psychology professor at Harvard. He and Timothy Leary experimented with LSD. Alpert dropped out of academia and the drug culture and traveled to India, where he met his guru, Neem Karoli Baba. From his guru, Alpert received his name Ram Dass, which means Servant of God. Ram Dass transitioned to the spirit world on December 22, 2019.
From Ram Dass' Love Serve Remember Foundation
“Be Here Now, Ram Dass’s monumentally influential and seminal work, still stands as the highly readable centerpiece of Western articulation of Eastern philosophy, and how to live joyously a hundred per cent of the time in the present, luminous or mundane. Be Here Now continues to be the instruction manual of choice for generations of spiritual seekers. Forty years later, it’s still part of the timeless present. Being here now is still being here now.”
Quotes from Ram Dass
“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.”
“As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be, you can’t see how it is.”
From Ram Dass' Love Serve Remember Foundation
“Be Here Now, Ram Dass’s monumentally influential and seminal work, still stands as the highly readable centerpiece of Western articulation of Eastern philosophy, and how to live joyously a hundred per cent of the time in the present, luminous or mundane. Be Here Now continues to be the instruction manual of choice for generations of spiritual seekers. Forty years later, it’s still part of the timeless present. Being here now is still being here now.”
Quotes from Ram Dass
“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.”
“As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be, you can’t see how it is.”
Ram Dass - Be Here Now; Awakening in the Moment
"Your understanding of what the universe is all about changes as you proceed further along the path towards enlightenment. As your vantage point or perspective changes, you begin to understand more and more of “how it is.” With this greater understanding comes greater compassion… an acceptance of “how it is”… an ability to see the divine plan in everything, even in your failings and failings of others." Ram Dass on Getting Straight on Your Path
Gather More of the Wisdom of Ram Dass
Although written during the turbulent 60's, the ideas of Be Here Now are timeless. It is a classic that belongs in the library of all seekers. Ram Dass has written many other books. I have included a sample from old to new.
Grist for the Mill: Awakening to Oneness - ad
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Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying - ad
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Polishing the Mirror: How to Live from Your Spiritual Heart - ad
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The Power Of Now
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Fast forward from 1971 when Be Here Now was published, to the present time. A current popular book is the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. What does this book have to tell us that is new and different? Or is it just that he has re-told it in a way that people can relate to?
The essence of the book is, “This Moment is All There Ever Is.” Tolle himself sees it as “a restatement for our time of that one timeless spiritual teaching, the essence of all religions.”
For the purpose of our research, a quest to understand “It is What it Is,” let’s look at some quotes from Eckhart Tolle
“The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly you are identified with your mind.”
“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be”
“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally”
The essence of the book is, “This Moment is All There Ever Is.” Tolle himself sees it as “a restatement for our time of that one timeless spiritual teaching, the essence of all religions.”
For the purpose of our research, a quest to understand “It is What it Is,” let’s look at some quotes from Eckhart Tolle
“The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly you are identified with your mind.”
“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be”
“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally”
Eckhart Tolle Speaks on Accepting the Present Moment not the Life Situation.
A Newer Version of the Same Principles
Eckhart Tolle's boo, The Power of Now, is not just a re-statement of timeless concepts, it speaks in a language we can all understand. His later books take the same concepts and dive deeper into the teachings for personal transformation.
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment - ad
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A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose - ad
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Stillness Speaks - ad
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Consciousness Is..Dance of Life Image by Pixabay
"As you embrace the present and become one with it, and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every sentient being. As you begin to experience this exultation of spirit in everything that is alive, as you become intimate with it, joy will be born within you, and you will drop the terrible burdens of defensiveness, resentment, and hurtfulness...then you will become lighthearted, carefree, joyous, and free."
Deepak Chopra
It Was What It Was
Don't Dwell on the Past
Image via Pixabay
If we are honest, we will admit that we often think in terms of “if only.” If only my parents had done this, or hadn’t done that. If only I was born smarter, or better looking. If only I had lived in a better neighborhood.
Not only is It What It Is, it also “Was What It Was.” This means that the past is over. We cannot control what happened in our childhood. We cannot change who our parents were or how we were treated. The only thing we can change is our reaction to those events.
I found a great article that speaks to this concept from someone who has struggled to come to terms with her own dysfunctional family.
In the article “Still Blaming Others for Your Lot in Life?” on her blog, “Guess What Normal Is,” Amy Eden states:
“For sure, it’s unfortunate that we got a less than ideal foundation laid for us by our family. And it’s unfortunate that we don’t have the kind of support and encouragement from our family that we see other people receiving. But, there’s nothing we can do about that. There is nothing we can do about the childhood we had, it is what is was. Sure, you can complain and blame, but don’t spend too long doing that or you’ll lose out on creating a life you want to enjoy and participate in.”
She continues, “At some point, I decided to take responsibility for what happens next in my life. I decided to accept the upbringing I’d had–it was what it was. I decided to move on and figure out how to make the life I wanted.”
This brings us right back to the other concept of the Power of Now. The only thing we have is now. To focus on what happened in the past causes us to miss the adventure that is happening today.
Not only is It What It Is, it also “Was What It Was.” This means that the past is over. We cannot control what happened in our childhood. We cannot change who our parents were or how we were treated. The only thing we can change is our reaction to those events.
I found a great article that speaks to this concept from someone who has struggled to come to terms with her own dysfunctional family.
In the article “Still Blaming Others for Your Lot in Life?” on her blog, “Guess What Normal Is,” Amy Eden states:
“For sure, it’s unfortunate that we got a less than ideal foundation laid for us by our family. And it’s unfortunate that we don’t have the kind of support and encouragement from our family that we see other people receiving. But, there’s nothing we can do about that. There is nothing we can do about the childhood we had, it is what is was. Sure, you can complain and blame, but don’t spend too long doing that or you’ll lose out on creating a life you want to enjoy and participate in.”
She continues, “At some point, I decided to take responsibility for what happens next in my life. I decided to accept the upbringing I’d had–it was what it was. I decided to move on and figure out how to make the life I wanted.”
This brings us right back to the other concept of the Power of Now. The only thing we have is now. To focus on what happened in the past causes us to miss the adventure that is happening today.
Image courtesy of Pixabay
“In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me.”
Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity- ad
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
and it's all small stuff
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and It's All Small Stuff - ad
I found this little book in a used book store and gave it to my daughter who was going through some rough times. It is packed with little vignettes that fit in with what we are talking about here. The author, Richard Carlson, PH.D, put together helpful hints to show us how to keep the little things in life from driving us crazy.
It is not surprising that one of those hints is, “To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how much we are able to live in the present moment.”
Here are some more excerpts:
Ask Yourself the Question, “Will This Matter a Year from Now?”
“This too shall pass……. Every experience you have ever had is over. Every thought you’ve ever had, started and finished. Every emotion and mood you’ve experienced has been replaced by another. You’ve been happy, sad, jealous, depressed, angry, in love, shamed, proud and every other conceivable human feeling. Where did they all go? The answer is, no one really knows. Everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming the truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.”
“Life is just one thing after another. When something is happening that we enjoy, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment. If that’s ok with you, you’ll feel peace even when the moment changes.”
Richard Carlson passed away in December 2006. His wife Kristine maintains the Official Website, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff where you can learn more about his books and life story.
It is not surprising that one of those hints is, “To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how much we are able to live in the present moment.”
Here are some more excerpts:
Ask Yourself the Question, “Will This Matter a Year from Now?”
“This too shall pass……. Every experience you have ever had is over. Every thought you’ve ever had, started and finished. Every emotion and mood you’ve experienced has been replaced by another. You’ve been happy, sad, jealous, depressed, angry, in love, shamed, proud and every other conceivable human feeling. Where did they all go? The answer is, no one really knows. Everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming the truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.”
“Life is just one thing after another. When something is happening that we enjoy, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment. If that’s ok with you, you’ll feel peace even when the moment changes.”
Richard Carlson passed away in December 2006. His wife Kristine maintains the Official Website, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff where you can learn more about his books and life story.
Image via Pixabay
"The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that. Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown, and it's plain sailing."
John Lennon
Peaceful Warrior
"There are no ordinary moments." Dan Millman
I had heard of the movie Peaceful Warrior but never got around to seeing it. I decided to rent if one day. If you haven’t seen it either, go rent it today. Or better yet, buy it for your spiritual library. It is based on the book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman and is a true story of his life.
Once again the message is, “the only moment is now.”
Once again the message is, “the only moment is now.”
Peaceful Warrior DVD - ad
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WAY OF THE PEACEFUL WARRIOR: A Book That Changes Lives - ad
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Going Around in Circles?
Image by Pixabay
We’ve been going around in a big circle and we’ve come back to the phrase, “It is what it is.” Haven’t we spent a lot of time and energy exploring just a few simple words? The answer is “Yes”. More appropriately, instead of traveling in a circle, we have been traveling in a spiral, coming back to the same place, but at a deeper level.
Sometime the simple phrase is so simple that we either ignore it or pass it off as unimportant. But when you have dug deep into the essence of it, or “grokked” it as Heinlein would say, then when you repeat those words they resonate at a deeper level. So instead of thinking that it doesn’t matter, or that we are powerless, we begin to realize that it we do have power….to change our reaction to life’s events.
“It is what it is” can then become a mantra to remind us to stay focused in the moment, not to sweat the small stuff, not to dwell on past events that we cannot change, and that accepting “what is” is a way of freeing us from our pain and suffering.
Sometime the simple phrase is so simple that we either ignore it or pass it off as unimportant. But when you have dug deep into the essence of it, or “grokked” it as Heinlein would say, then when you repeat those words they resonate at a deeper level. So instead of thinking that it doesn’t matter, or that we are powerless, we begin to realize that it we do have power….to change our reaction to life’s events.
“It is what it is” can then become a mantra to remind us to stay focused in the moment, not to sweat the small stuff, not to dwell on past events that we cannot change, and that accepting “what is” is a way of freeing us from our pain and suffering.
Photo of our cat Wiley at West Point Lake in Georgia.
If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is ''the quiet acceptance of what is.''
Wayne Dyer
Hey, What Does Grok Mean?
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If you are unfamiliar with Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land I suggest you pick up a copy of one ASAP. One cannot go through life without understanding what it means to Grok something.
From the book: “Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed-to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in group experience. It means almost everything that we mean by religion, philosophy, and science-and it means as little to us (because of our Earthly assumptions) as color means to a blind man.”
Stranger in a Strange Land is the story of a human child who is stranded on Mars and raised by Martians. The word “grok” literally means “water” and because water is scarce on Mars, the Martians ritualized the drinking of water with becoming one with water and the water becoming one with the drinker. They “grok” each other, So to grok something means to understand it so totally, that it becomes a part of you.
If you can achieve this deep understanding of the phrase, “It is what it is,” then it becomes magical and can instantly transform something stressful and frustrating into an inner peace.
From the book: “Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed-to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in group experience. It means almost everything that we mean by religion, philosophy, and science-and it means as little to us (because of our Earthly assumptions) as color means to a blind man.”
Stranger in a Strange Land is the story of a human child who is stranded on Mars and raised by Martians. The word “grok” literally means “water” and because water is scarce on Mars, the Martians ritualized the drinking of water with becoming one with water and the water becoming one with the drinker. They “grok” each other, So to grok something means to understand it so totally, that it becomes a part of you.
If you can achieve this deep understanding of the phrase, “It is what it is,” then it becomes magical and can instantly transform something stressful and frustrating into an inner peace.
It Is What It Is by John Trudell
Video added upon recommendation of a visitor to this page. John Trudell is an indigenous rights activist, Musician, Poet, Actor
“It’s all in the handling.”
Video added upon recommendation of a visitor to this page. John Trudell is an indigenous rights activist, Musician, Poet, Actor
“It’s all in the handling.”
This is the End of the Lecture
And Now it is Time for the Quiz
Image via Pixabay
Only it never really ends, because the spiral keeps going deeper, as long as you want to follow it. Or as they say in What the Bleep!? – Down the Rabbit Hole(ad), “How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?”
I know some of you are asking questions like, “what about war, death, rape, murder, child abuse, etc.? How can you say “It is what it is” about all those things? Shouldn’t we be upset about the evil in our world?”
Ah, the answer is simple and complicated at the same time. In the words of those we have been studying, it is still what it is. Whatever is happening in the moment, is happening. We see that someone is being assaulted on the street. If we are being totally in the moment, and not feeling sorry for ourselves because our girlfriend/boyfriend just broke up with us, we will be able to connect to the Power of Now, the energy that is available to us at every moment, to react in the best manner possible. What that action is would be determined by the moment.
No one denies there are terrible things that happen, both on an individual level and a global level. It is how we decide to react to them that makes all the difference. At that, my friends, is yet a topic for another article.
I know some of you are asking questions like, “what about war, death, rape, murder, child abuse, etc.? How can you say “It is what it is” about all those things? Shouldn’t we be upset about the evil in our world?”
Ah, the answer is simple and complicated at the same time. In the words of those we have been studying, it is still what it is. Whatever is happening in the moment, is happening. We see that someone is being assaulted on the street. If we are being totally in the moment, and not feeling sorry for ourselves because our girlfriend/boyfriend just broke up with us, we will be able to connect to the Power of Now, the energy that is available to us at every moment, to react in the best manner possible. What that action is would be determined by the moment.
No one denies there are terrible things that happen, both on an individual level and a global level. It is how we decide to react to them that makes all the difference. At that, my friends, is yet a topic for another article.
Photo of me at my favorite place on earth - looking at Lake Superior near the Copper Harbor Lighthouse in Michigan.
"Do what you can on this plane to relieve suffering by constantly working on yourself to be an instrument for the cessation of suffering. To me, that's what the emerging game is all about."
Ram Dass
This Article Is What It Is
If you feel a little dizzy, don't feel bad. So do I. Don't worry, it doesn't last long. But maybe, sometime soon, you will feel the urge to worry, or get angry, or upset, and 5 little words will pop into your mind.
It is what it is.....there don't you feel better? I must admit though that I still don't GROK it completely and repeatedly come back to this article to refresh my memory. Sometimes I even wonder how some things can be "small stuff." In Feb. 2017 my husband died suddenly. Small stuff? I don't think so. Still, as most of the books I mentioned, it is how I react to it that is the message from It Is What It Is.
Comments are unavailable on this page. If you hop on over to the It Is What It Is - Cliche or Mantra? blog you can leave a note...I'd love to hear from you.
If you feel a little dizzy, don't feel bad. So do I. Don't worry, it doesn't last long. But maybe, sometime soon, you will feel the urge to worry, or get angry, or upset, and 5 little words will pop into your mind.
It is what it is.....there don't you feel better? I must admit though that I still don't GROK it completely and repeatedly come back to this article to refresh my memory. Sometimes I even wonder how some things can be "small stuff." In Feb. 2017 my husband died suddenly. Small stuff? I don't think so. Still, as most of the books I mentioned, it is how I react to it that is the message from It Is What It Is.
Comments are unavailable on this page. If you hop on over to the It Is What It Is - Cliche or Mantra? blog you can leave a note...I'd love to hear from you.
Header image is of the clear, clean water of Lake Superior from the dock at Copper Harbor in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. The Canadian goose is one of a gaggle of geese that greeted us that day.