Greetings From My Cave of Solitude
Image credit: By EMeczKa via Wikimedia Commons
This is a revision of an article I wrote several years ago.
From the time I was born until recently when my husband died (Feb 2017), I have never lived alone. First I lived with my parents. When I went off to college, I lived with a roommate. I met my first husband at a student social work conference and we were married before I graduated. Then came three children, then I met my second husband on the internet. At no time, except for isolated incidents, did I live totally on my own.
When I was a stay-at-home mom with three young children, I remember being envious of people who could go on one or two week retreats, or take a month sabbatical. What a luxury that seemed to be. To be alone with one's thoughts for hours on end, with no one needing your attention.
In September 2011, my second husband and I bought a used RV and set out to see America. Unfortunately we did this when only my husband had a social security check. I was still too young to apply for the retirement money we had paid into all of our working lives. So we found that we only had enough money to travel a short distance and then would park at an RV park for a month.
It was an adventure and we saw many beautiful lakes and forests. There were downsides too, like when the month was longer than our one paycheck could handle. At those times we lived on whatever food we could buy and were unable to buy propane to keep ourselves warm.
You have heard the phrase “football widow.” I became a video game widow. My husband bought a new computer game and he disappeared for hours underneath his headsets. Did I complain? Absolutely not. Living together night and day, I never seemed to get enough alone time. When I got cold and there was no propane to run the furnace, I spent most of the time in what I called my Cave of Solitude. He would sit on the couch up front, all bundled up with one heater. I would move to the bedroom and snuggle under the electric blanket that a kind person had given to us. It was as far away as we ever really got in those days.
I finally got that retreat I dreamed about so many years ago. All due to that wonderful, addicting computer game.
Does it seem selfish to want to be alone? Not for an introvert. We crave those times of solitude to replenish our energies. Even if I spend some of the time on-line talking on Facebook, it is still under my control and I can turn off the computer any time I wish and read a book. Or take a nap. Or just lay here daydreaming.
“A little while alone in your room will prove more valuable than anything else that could ever be given you.” Rumi
We used the Cave of Solitude when the weather was hot too. Only at those times it was more the Cave of Getting Away From the Heat because my husband usually joined me.
You've heard those words, “be careful what you wish for, you might get it.” After all those years I spent wishing for solitude, the Universe heard and responded. Since my husband's unexpected death, I have the challenge of living in true solitude. There are people around me in other RVs and the people in the office, but conversations with them are superficial. My Cave of Solitude and the rest of the RV as well, is empty of human company, except for the cat who isn't much of a conversationalist.
As I discuss in a related article called “How and When I Became a Hermit,” many spiritual seekers have sought solitude to focus on connecting with God or the Great Spirit. Some have gone out to the desert, some sought out caves in the mountains. I continue to ask, why did this happen? I have a choice to see my sudden entrance in my Cave of Solitude as a problem, or I could realize that this is an opportunity to immerse myself in solitude, to go within and find my True Self.
”Solitude is not the absence of Love, but its complement. Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life” Paulo Coelho
So I send you greetings from my Cave of Solitude, a situation which was sprung upon me most unwillingly. Still I cling to the belief that there is a reason for everything. I know that the Universe is pushing me to continuing the awakening process that I started many years ago. I have decided to be open and accept whatever insights filter through the cave and into my heart.
“To have passed through life and never experienced solitude is to have never known oneself. To have never known oneself is to have never known anyone.” Joseph Krutch, The Desert Year - ad
From the time I was born until recently when my husband died (Feb 2017), I have never lived alone. First I lived with my parents. When I went off to college, I lived with a roommate. I met my first husband at a student social work conference and we were married before I graduated. Then came three children, then I met my second husband on the internet. At no time, except for isolated incidents, did I live totally on my own.
When I was a stay-at-home mom with three young children, I remember being envious of people who could go on one or two week retreats, or take a month sabbatical. What a luxury that seemed to be. To be alone with one's thoughts for hours on end, with no one needing your attention.
In September 2011, my second husband and I bought a used RV and set out to see America. Unfortunately we did this when only my husband had a social security check. I was still too young to apply for the retirement money we had paid into all of our working lives. So we found that we only had enough money to travel a short distance and then would park at an RV park for a month.
It was an adventure and we saw many beautiful lakes and forests. There were downsides too, like when the month was longer than our one paycheck could handle. At those times we lived on whatever food we could buy and were unable to buy propane to keep ourselves warm.
You have heard the phrase “football widow.” I became a video game widow. My husband bought a new computer game and he disappeared for hours underneath his headsets. Did I complain? Absolutely not. Living together night and day, I never seemed to get enough alone time. When I got cold and there was no propane to run the furnace, I spent most of the time in what I called my Cave of Solitude. He would sit on the couch up front, all bundled up with one heater. I would move to the bedroom and snuggle under the electric blanket that a kind person had given to us. It was as far away as we ever really got in those days.
I finally got that retreat I dreamed about so many years ago. All due to that wonderful, addicting computer game.
Does it seem selfish to want to be alone? Not for an introvert. We crave those times of solitude to replenish our energies. Even if I spend some of the time on-line talking on Facebook, it is still under my control and I can turn off the computer any time I wish and read a book. Or take a nap. Or just lay here daydreaming.
“A little while alone in your room will prove more valuable than anything else that could ever be given you.” Rumi
We used the Cave of Solitude when the weather was hot too. Only at those times it was more the Cave of Getting Away From the Heat because my husband usually joined me.
You've heard those words, “be careful what you wish for, you might get it.” After all those years I spent wishing for solitude, the Universe heard and responded. Since my husband's unexpected death, I have the challenge of living in true solitude. There are people around me in other RVs and the people in the office, but conversations with them are superficial. My Cave of Solitude and the rest of the RV as well, is empty of human company, except for the cat who isn't much of a conversationalist.
As I discuss in a related article called “How and When I Became a Hermit,” many spiritual seekers have sought solitude to focus on connecting with God or the Great Spirit. Some have gone out to the desert, some sought out caves in the mountains. I continue to ask, why did this happen? I have a choice to see my sudden entrance in my Cave of Solitude as a problem, or I could realize that this is an opportunity to immerse myself in solitude, to go within and find my True Self.
”Solitude is not the absence of Love, but its complement. Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life” Paulo Coelho
So I send you greetings from my Cave of Solitude, a situation which was sprung upon me most unwillingly. Still I cling to the belief that there is a reason for everything. I know that the Universe is pushing me to continuing the awakening process that I started many years ago. I have decided to be open and accept whatever insights filter through the cave and into my heart.
“To have passed through life and never experienced solitude is to have never known oneself. To have never known oneself is to have never known anyone.” Joseph Krutch, The Desert Year - ad
Background image via Pixabay